gothrockrulz: (leggy)
Hello everyone, hope your weekend is going well!

Because Val Kilmer recently passed, I decided to watch Tombstone in full for the first time (I'd seen snippets on TV here and there forever). And I really love this movie because it's kinda helping light a creative fire I've been working on stoking all month.

First off, the women in it are negligible in their contribution despite being very interesting! Your sharpshooter hubbies all decide to move to a boomtown in the middle of the desert, and you and your sisters-in-law have to rely on each other for companionship? That's a whole book series right there you can make of it! And it makes me wanna write something about women in 1800s AZ out of SPITE. Good though this movie is, it's very 90s testosterone-fueled manly man movie stuff--but I found out that it wasn't intended to be THAT bad.

In a podcast interview uploaded on YouTube, one of the cast members said the writer/director had 4 weeks of footage that they shot before he was replaced with a different director... and none of the footage was used. Whole scenes about the development of the Earp women and Josephine Marcus were cut. I feel cheated. The girls show up in nice 1870s/1880s frocks and I was SO ready for them to bemoan trying to keep up with the standard of living they were used to in friggin' Arizona, which was basically different from any other part of the US even at that time. But no. Nothin'.

Second, the costumes were all PHENOMENAL. Apparently the whole cast was practically dying because a point was made of using the same kind of wool fabrics for the clothes. I also saw that a point was made for plenty of color because they DID dress up pretty in bright colors in the time, and I love it. Apparently they even used saddles from that era, or at least made in perfect replica. Everything felt very authentic and immersive in ways I just... don't feel in many period dramas anymore.

Third, oho. OHOHOHOHOHO. I have heard praises sung for Val's Doc Holliday my whole life but nobody. NOBODY. Told me he was the definition of disaster bisexual who literally will ride or die for his homies. "I'm your huckleberry"--I'M SURE YOU ARE, HON, YOU'RE A FRUIT ALRIGHT. Literally every single goddamn quip this man makes is him being a brat at dangerous men. It's so delightful.

I shouldn't have been laughing at how much focus was put on Wyatt Earp's budding affair with brunette Miss Marcus, when there was his homoerotic tension with another brunet filling up most of the movie, but. I was. (Now I'm convinced that whoever wrote Brokeback Mountain drew inspiration from both My Own Private Idaho as well as Tombstone.) I was talking with a film buff friend of mine about Doc Holliday online, and she said oh yeah, I legit can't tell if being violently closeted was Val's stylistic choice or just Val being Val because he's like that in Top Gun, too.

Fourth, I have. So much nostalgia for the craft and care people used to put into movies. There's still movies being made like this (Nosferatu 2024, for example), but watching how every cast member either was a HUGE book nerd or had a background in theater to really make their approach to acting so sophisticated, yet whimsical. And they talked so eloquently about how they wanted to be true to the character they were representing, but also show them in as deep and human a light as possible, show more sides to them than they usually got portrayed in film. How passionate every one of them was about art and what it makes you feel, artist and viewer alike. It just makes me sad about how art is being seen as a gimmick to get quick cash now, with no substance to it. (Here's a 28 minute behind-the-scenes video with most of interviews I'm referring to; poster has made it non-embeddable.

Anyway, since now I'm adding Val Kilmer as well as Bela Lugosi to my list of actors whose work I'm going to slowly traipse through this year. I'm off to watch The Doors and learn more about Jim Morrison.
gothrockrulz: (Default)
Work squee and rant incoming!

Okay, first things first: Several queer folks/allies at new job. One gal is our local member of the company's Pride coalition or whatever it is, gave me company gay swag so I obnoxiously wear a rainbow lanyard either round my neck or at my hip. Bite me! 1 guy is gay, 1 gal is also ace, newest gal I'm 99% sure is a lesbian who also struggles with Corporate Vibes bc she immediately felt more comfy around me than anyone else. 1 guy I cannot get a read on (usually I can read men like a BOOK but him? nothing. I am not the most inscrutable person in the room, do not like it lmao) but he could be an ally or a very lowkey bi guy because he loves Arcane. He also has massive Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy vibes and I just KNOW God is laughing His butt off at my expense.

I'm going to Ren Faire with several people from work twice this month, and it's. Helping me not be so sad about not seeing my old coworkers every day. But. It's not the same! I can't swear like a sailor or make kink jokes. (My close set of coworkers at my old job, all day we just swore and joked together. I miss them fiercely.)

The rant: Corporate is so, so stifling. I don't mind dressing business formal as much, but having to pick safe (read: boring) jewelry choices on top of it, as well as feeling like I'm at church without the hymns is just. It's really putting a damper on me. Also, since it's a firm with a bunch of salesmen (a couple saleswomen too but mostly men for sales, and women for staff with a couple men to add some variety) with no HR department? Ya girl is being extremely cautious, but also projecting I Am a Massive Bitch Don't Test Me vibes. So far all is fine! And I know if anything happens, 3 women high up have my back. But it is. Also exhausting making sure the men are intimidated by me. (This is also the big difference between me at 34 and me at 24: I know how to carry myself and I've stopped trying to make myself smaller.)

But here's the funniest (weirdest) part: there are SO many husband-wife couples and teams here. Every time I get to know somebody new better I find out they work alongside their spouse or under their spouse. (Arcane Darcy guy's main assistant is his wife.) Yes, direct report to their spouse. Mind-boggling. That's also why I've gone out of my way to be intimidating; nobody's wifing me up here!!! I know I was hired because I fit what they were looking for, but I know damn well being eye candy in office was absolutely a boost too.
gothrockrulz: (Default)
A lot has been going on, so let me try to summarize:

1. I got a raise on my 90 day review. I nearly cried. I'm so used to just... crickets lmao

2. My sister had minor surgery and took about 1 month off of work. She's recovering well. We're still waiting on the result of one test to make sure everything is hunky dory.

3. I am so behind in all my crochet projects, to the point I haven't even started the baby blanket for Nibling #4 due in a few weeks. This baby blanket will just have to wait.

4. Our family dog Molly passed away Saturday night. My mom and sister texted me she wasn't well; I had to drive over an hour from the Renaissance Fair at closing time, as fast as I could to make it to the emergency vet and say goodbye. She was 15 and deaf and the best girl. She's chasing birds like mad and reunited with her brother Duke in doggie heaven.

5. My sister also has a boyfriend, her first, and it's not shocking. But. It shocked the whole family because all of us assumed she'd be like me and not trust men for anything lmao

6. I really, really miss my coworkers at my old job. I like my new coworkers, but it is just not the same and an actual corporate environment is a little stifling, even if I've adapted okay. I want to be able to swear, fucking hell.
gothrockrulz: (YUURI)
I survived coming back to work thank GOODNESS. Six days off was exactly what I needed.

I'm also trying to set up a sort of schedule to kick myself back into writing regularly. Ideally, I want to pick up unfinished fanfics and complete them! We'll see if my muse cooperates. For right now, I think I'm going to just take 7pm-9pm each night to shuffle back and forth between cleaning, reading, and writing. See if that will help me do a bit of each of those things without just doomscrolling on my phone and feeling bad about it.

My reading goal this year is 130 books, last year I hit 118. We'll see how far I get for 2025!
gothrockrulz: (Default)
Hi! I'm in LAX currently, awaiting my flight back home after an incredible trip. I hope you all are doing well!

So good news: trip went amazing! Me and my good friend K went to 6 different bookstores in the LA area, ate a ton of good gluten free food (she's celiac, I'm supportive), and most importantly! WE SAW TAEMIN!

Now, this is mostly for Ash to help further the Taemin Brainrot, but I'm also talking about my feelings here to sort them out.

We went to concert venue on Sunday in absolute giddiness, this is his first world tour despite having been a solo artist since 2014 and a member of the band SHINee since 2008. To give you an idea of who Taemin is, let me introduce you to the song that got me into him, and therefore into later his band and k-pop in general: CRIMINAL.



Saw this around the time it released in 2019 and baby I was HOOKED. The voice, the controlled and precise dancing, the dark, gothic decadence! It's incredible! I had 3 or so friends who were already into both his band and his solo music, and they were happy to tell me more about him. One of them said he was Catholic and I went oh so THAT'S why He's Like That. I get it!

He's also the youngest of his band SHINee, maknae as they say in Korean. (He was only 15ish in 2008 when they debuted and... yeah. There are a LOT of problems involved with starting such a demanding career in such a demanding industry as a child... and that's not even getting into the objectification that idols of all ages and genders deal with.) And boy does he get This Is Our Spoiled Baby privileges with his bandmates. They buy him fancy gifts when he asks, they let him cuddle when they wouldn't let anyone else, they were super affectionate when he rejoined the band after his mandatory military service. He's SPOILED rotten. Observe:



This 15th anniversary livestream was recorded soon after he got to reunite with his hyungs (older peers), and you don't even have to watch the whole thing. You can just see how he constantly maintains skinship or other contact for reassurance, and they're all subtly making sure he's included, okay, engaged, and happy. (This livestream has a lot of feelings for a lot of fans, since it also happened not long before another member had to take a hiatus for his health.)

Now, given that he is obviously the baby of the group, guess what he did for his solo debut back in 2014 to depart from that baby image and establish his own unique brand as a solo artist? Danger:



He basically smashed every public perception of him created over the last 6 years of his career as a member of SHINee. People were losing it, according to the fans who've been following him for a long time.

Now, back to his current concert. It was incredible. He's such a passionate performer live, and really lives in and basks in the moment with his fans. Also, the fan club created such a beautiful tribute video thanking him for his music and encouraging him in his future endeavors. It was a lot, given that he only just split with the company he'd been signed with his entire adult life and more, and was taking a bold move with a new company. He got so moved and choked up, he almost forgot the order of events to close out his show. It was so sweet!

Now, to the less fun fangirly stuff. It was ironic that I was traveling to see a show for an artist who has helped me a lot in my 30s at the SAME TIME that the biggest artist of my 20s pissed. me. off. a. lot. I've had icons of GACKT on this account for almost a decade? And now I'm gonna switch them out because, short version, on the zombie bird app, GACKT praised Trump. I won't go into details because it'll upset me, but!
Everyone I've been longtime friends with due to shared GACKT fangirling is fucking devastated. I distanced myself emotionally years ago for other reasons that unsettled me. So while angry, I'm not as upset as like, 20, 21-year-old me would have been. And this has reminded me that I can by all means take comfort from artists but... at least, for my obsessive self. I'm going to need boundaries in case. Stuff like this happens.

BUT. The fangirl heart wants what it wants, and so for now, I'm just leaning hard into the Taemin fangirling and hoping the best for him. I hope he gets to tour wherever he wants and make whatever art he wants and wear whatever he wants.
gothrockrulz: (YUURI)
Hello!

Long time since I posted last. I am trying to get more in the habit of posting by depositing whatever random thoughts and feelings I have on books and such.

I just read Brideshead Revisited in full, and watched the first episode of the 1981 BBC miniseries starring two favorite British actors, Jeremy Irons and Anthony Andrews. (Irons also read the audiobook. Immaculately.) I am now mildly obsessed!!!

So, my first encounter with Brideshead Revisited was over a decade ago, when I was first starting to check out every BBC adaption of a classic I could get my hands on at the library. I started watching the mini-series with my mom, she immediately was like "hm Jeremy Irons sounds gay, huh." We abandoned watching about 20-30 minutes into the first episode because my homophobe dad might take issue with it. 1981 and this adaption was so firmly in THIS IS HELLA GAY, OLD SPORT that we had to jump ship. (This was the theme of my childhood: I had to stick to classics and read/watched them VORACIOUSLY. Classics were the only genre I could run wild without my parents worrying it would be inappropriate for a good Christian girl. Brideshead is one of the few exceptions that could not hide safely behind its classic shield.)

I always meant to go back to it, someday. Now someday has arrived. And hoo boy, both the book and the adaption are even gayer than I anticipated. Jeremy Irons is PINING ITSELF. I have not seen pining of this magnitude in ANY western TV or movie adaptions to come out in the last few years, aside from Bridgerton--which I haven't watched, just seen various clips--and Across the Spiderverse--Miles' pining for Gwen is freaking adorable. I only see it in k-drama and j-drama and c-drama now (special nod to Cherry Magic because it's not only Peak Pining, but Peak Ace-coded Pining).

I read briefly on the reception BR got, when it first released and how modern audiences view it, and had to abandon that ship faster than I stopped watching the mini-series the first time around. It was and is BAFFLING to me that there is the slightest bit of discourse or disagreement on Is This Book One of the Gayest Things You've Ever Read.

Charles Ryder is so clearly a bisexual mess with a consuming infatuation with a beautiful man, no argument to the contrary makes sense to me. His entire reason for having an affair with Julia Mottram nee Flyte, a married woman while he himself is a married man, is this: she is the sister to the man he loves and cannot have. In real life and in books, we all recognize instantly the trope of the heterosexual man to pursue the sister of the woman he can't have. Why can we not see it mirrored in a queer man as well? How can pursuing the person society and family will permit him to pursue cancel out his queerness? Oscar fucking Wilde himself had a wife and two children. I feel the book, while not explicitly, implicitly expresses that the Flytes pretend not to see the affair SPECIFICALLY because well at least Charles is hanging around the daughter instead of the son now. They may be adulterers but at least it's heterosexual adultery.

I also adored the commentary on religion and Catholicism in particular, and cannot mention the book without bringing it up. But I feel the scholarly discussion on this aspect of the book is far more sensible than the queerness, which is a shame since the commentary on each intertwines throughout the book.

I will revisit (hehe) this more here once I finish the mini-series, and have more time to let my thoughts drift into coherent currents.
gothrockrulz: (Default)
Hey, back with a few thoughts!

First: this cover is AMAZING and I am so fucking pumped for BVB and Ville Valo to perform shows together!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPqxIX1817Y

So I have vague ideas for multiple playlists but, as I have time, right now I'm gonna focus on a Darkling/Alina playlist. Who knows how long this will take! But I'm loving two songs for them so far. Waiting for the right mood to compile more songs.

I'm also trying to establish new routines? Especially for the mornings. I'm very bad at forming new habits consciously that are not of strict MUST complete urgency, so wish me luck! I want to do short spurts of organizing, bullet journaling, crafting, and studying Spanish/Japanese/Chinese before or after work, whenever the energy is strongest.

How have y'all been lately?
gothrockrulz: (cloud strife)
I don’t have much time so this is VERY much a drive-by post. But here’s what’s happening:

-Japan trip was amazing and exactly the self-bribe I needed.
-Working 7 days a week is KICKING MY ASS.
-I am feeling creative again and slowly starting to take 15 min here and there to write fiction and fanfic.
-I haven’t the time to get far in S2 of Shadow and Bone so honestly, Ash? If you wanna revisit the series in a watchalong in like 3 months, I will be free! Think that will be the only way I’ll finish it.
-that said! I am compiling a Darkling/Alina playlist. Yeah.
-I’m in the process of also making Irish lace tablecloths, 15-30 min here and there. One for mom, one for sis-in-law, one for me.
gothrockrulz: (genesis rhapsodos)
Hello! I hope you all are having a good time in 2023 so far.

Brief version of my life these past few weeks:

1. I got covid over Christmas (maybe from eating unmasked at work? maybe from grocery store despite masking? who knows). I am mostly recovered, just a slight cough that comes and goes and the tiniest congestion in my lungs i’m keeping tabs on.

2. My depression has, uh, reached new lows. I’m okay but struggling to adapt.

3. My sister’s depression is nearly at crisis level. We’re researching OCD-specialist therapists now her insurance kicks in but there’s only so many spoons both of us have. We got a plan just will take a bit of time.

4. I am probably going to quit my part time weekend job after I earn enough to pay off my upcoming travel to San Jose & Colorado Springs. I wanted to last there six months and save up but 60 hours a week (except when I called out to rest from covid) is just too much.

5. I’m feeling SO creative lately but i’m literally too tired to do shit lmao all I do is work and sleep and listen to audiobooks.
gothrockrulz: (Default)
Hello hello, hope you all are doing well!

I had a cracked tire driving home on Sunday, so Monday’s theme was all:
1) going to the shop to find out it IS covered under warranty and
2) sorting out work from home things while I waited for the shop to get said tires in.

Also! Many thanks to Ash because aaaaaa I love my CD mixtape! Perfect to throw on to wake me up this weekend when I drive to my thriftbooks job.

I have not got any new year’s resolutions but I DO have a lot of mini-plans to put into play over the next few months!
gothrockrulz: (Default)
So, I'm on a Twitter hiatus. The fuckery and doom and gloom on my TL (some of which I RT'd) was getting to me, so I just went NOPE. Threw up a hiatus status so nobody would be feel ghosted. (But then people got worried anyway so . . . haha can't win, oh well.)

My brain is doing SO much better now. But I'm still trying to figure out how much of the funk I'm in is due to various things. It's probably all combined.

But first, a good old-fashioned LJ cut . . . )
gothrockrulz: (Default)
. . . to say thank you to everyone who voted Biden to kick that asshole out. THANK YOU.

I'm so tired I think I will nap for a month.
gothrockrulz: (Default)
Good afternoon!

For like, 2 or 3 weeks I've been meaning to get up early and do a little bit (even if only 15 minutes per task) of all the things I want to dive into again. I kinda did a bit of that today? No calligraphy or fanfic writing, but I did get through a bit of sewing, a bit of organizing, folding laundry, and sketching. It feels really good.

I'm also, for like the bajillionth time, trying to start consistently learning the basics of Japanese. We'll see how far this goes. LOL
gothrockrulz: (Default)
I wish everyone who has a good relationship with their father is great holiday.

Won't go that way for me because we're estranged in pretty much every sense of the word except, y'know, the word itself. I reluctantly agreed to go to dinner along with two of my siblings, provided we're not eating out. No restaurants for a while unless it's takeout.

Anybody read any good books lately? I just started Honor Among Thieves and I absolutely love it. This is exactly the sort of sci-fi I adore, big concepts and wonder, but on a small, bite-sized scale as the hero/heroine deals with their inner struggles.
gothrockrulz: (Default)
Hi! It's been a while. I keep meaning to get back into using Dreamwidth, and I just never do.

I'm going to try to change that.

How are y'all doing? I go back and forth between mostly okay and sorta okay, and I'm working on being more resilient. Slowly coming up with new coping mechanisms since none of my old ones work anymore.

Lately, little things have been jumping out to me to appreciate and really just, revel in, I guess. Calls or watch-alongs with friends, grabbing a book you've been meaning to read for forever, thinking about how teen you would have been amazed at how you are getting through life now.

So yeah. Life isn't easy, but my appreciation for everything is rising every day.
gothrockrulz: (obi-wan tatooine)
Hullo, everyone! Hope you are doing well.

Phoenix Comicon was a blast, despite a scare with an armed nutjob on Thursday, horrific organization Friday, and a prop weapons ban for the rest of the con. Will post pictures when I have the energy. And also blog about the books I've been slowly thumbing through and the manga I blazed through with abandon.

A personal post may also be in the works, my moods have swung particularly extreme lately, and life seems to equal fatigue and lack of patience.

What's been happening in your neck of the woods?

LJ Issues?

Dec. 22nd, 2016 02:18 pm
gothrockrulz: (moreblonde)
Anybody else getting random "bad gateway" messages?
gothrockrulz: (obi-wan tatooine)
It's spectacular. It's phenomenal. It's everything I hoped for, and more. Can't think coherently. It took every ounce of will to not scream in fangirl glee for 50% of the movie. I want to watch it again already.
gothrockrulz: (cloud strife)
Hugs to you all. American or not, hugs to you all, we're all having to weather this.
gothrockrulz: (zomg!)


Dialogue sounds incredibly boring (it's Underworld, of course there's blood), but Kate Beckinsale back WITH SWORDS?!?! YES, PLEASE! Also, nice Akutagawa hairstyle.

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