MOAR Fics!

[gothrockrulz]

2 more 100-word drabbles for writerverse. Note, they're in the same universe, featuring the same characters, because inspiration just decided to go that way. :)

Title: The Sky Is Grinning
Fandom: Original
Rating: G
Summary: A babysitter struggles to keep tabs on an imaginative seven-year-old.


I couldn't believe it. My first time babysitting, and less than an hour after sunset, I'd already lost the seven-year-old in my charge. Trying not to panic, I searched the house. Was she under her bed? Behind the couch? Raiding the fridge?

After a minute, I noticed the back door hanging open a crack. The little sneak . . .

I stormed into the yard, and there she was, stargazing on the lawn.

"Finally, you're here!" she said, smiling. She pointed up at the lopsided crescent moon. "Look! It's the Cheshire cat! Can you hear him cackling?"

I grinned. "Yeah."


Title: Wish upon a Black Hole
Fandom: Original
Rating: G
Summary: A babysitter marvels at the mind of an imaginative seven-year-old.


Macy, the seven-year-old I was babysitting, turned round and round, looking at the night sky in her backyard.

"Is that a black hole?" she asked, pointing to a certain dark spot in the sky.

"No. You can't see black holes with the naked eye," I said.

"What if you dress your eyes first?"

I smirked. "Not even then."

Macy pouted. "How do I wish on a black hole I can't see?"

"Why would you want to?"

"If wishes on stars come true, then wishes on black holes never come true. I want to wish for something to never happen. Ever."

Comments

[bonojonovi.livejournal.com]

For "the Sky is Grinning" and "Wish Upon a Black Hole"

I thought the titles were bother striking, for sure. :) Both of your drabbles are very simple in language (I find that I say that a lot, but when I'm complimenting a piece that I like, it seems that that's the first thing that grabs my attention, haha), which makes Macy's imaginative yet childish nature easier to convey. The idea of wishing on a black hole makes a wish negating an event come true is intriguing, either way!

Macy is quite precocious and likable, and the narrator is far from distracting but seems to be learning just as much about the little girl as the narrator is. The only thing I would say is that there isn't much personality provided for either, but I think that's more of the limits of the drabble requirements than your writing ability. :P

Keep up the good work!

[x-disturbed-x.livejournal.com]

Children are so adorable. I really love the relationship between Macy and her babysitter. Like another poster mentioned, there is some personality lacking but I find myself facing the same thing with drabbles. This is why I think their harder to write then a novel sometimes.

I really thought they were creative drabbles and I hope to read more. :)

[shana0809.livejournal.com]

For the Sky is Grinning

I totally can feel the desperation of the babysitter. That's got to be totally freaky, losing your charge. I get uspet when one of my cats hide on me. The order she searches in seems so logical too, but why is she so calm on finding the girl? I would have been yelling, at least a little bit because I was scared.